


Let me walk beside you, dear

by Ode_to_ships



Series: Darling, won't you hold my hand? [2]
Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: F/M, just some more angst, not really all the angsty I guess, not really canon though canon events do occur, of the stydia variety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-06-24
Packaged: 2018-07-18 01:00:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7293073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ode_to_ships/pseuds/Ode_to_ships
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She's smiling at him. They saved each other. He can wait for someday.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let me walk beside you, dear

**Author's Note:**

> This is part two of Darling won't you hold my hand. I wrote it cause I was asked to, and it was fun to write. I know my stuff isn't great right now, I'm still learning and growing. I hope you guys like it(:

It’s been two weeks since they stopped The Beast and got rid of Theo, thank fucking God, and he’s sitting in class. Life is weird. Sometimes he can't believe how screwed their lives are. He’s sitting in his English class, in a desk, trying really hard not to bang his head against it because this doesn't feel right. Hyper-vigilance is starting to become a royal pain in his ass. Scratch that, it’s been a royal pain in his ass for two years now.

So here he is sitting in a desk in English class, trying to find “normal” again. He isn't sure he can get there.

He looks to his left, and he knows she's right there next to him. It’s been two weeks since his secret confession to the cab of his jeep, and he still isn't sure what to do with it. Two weeks since she saved all of them, and he helped. His pride over being useful is out shined by how proud he is of her. It felt good to save people’s lives, like maybe he was finally getting pieces of himself back. Maybe he could find his way out of the darkness that has been sitting in front of his eyes since Donovan. It’s like he constantly has his eyes closed, and he's just staring at his eye lids. He can't open them to see colors or his friends or his dad, because he won't see them. He’ll just see Donovan. He shudders slightly at the name, reverberating around in his head. He wonders if it'll ever stop. He doesn't think it will. 

He just keeps looking to his left, and he must be looking too hard because she suddenly turns to him, looking right back. He can feel himself getting flustered, and he thought he was over this. It seems really juvenile, but he can't help it. Clearly admitting he was in love with her, even just to himself and his jeep, was enough to fog his head up around her again. He think he’ll always be nervous around her. 

But they weren't the same Stiles and Lydia. They were so different now. So even though he’s slightly embarrassed at being caught, he shoots her a smile. She smiles back. Different people indeed. 

Before he knows it class is over, and the ring of the bell makes him jump slightly Lydia feels the same way if her head snapping up, and her slight jump are any indication. Jesus, when did they become afraid of a bell ringing. He doesn't answer that. He’s not sure they are really going to find normal ever again. She’ll always carry her time in Eichen with her, just like he will always carry Donovan’s death with him. Another slight shudder.

To break her from her thoughts, and to keep himself from thinking to much, he starts talking.

“Kira went with the skin walkers. Scott told me yesterday. Apparently she’s gonna be gone for awhile.” Now they're up and walking, and he’s following her, and this feels like sophomore year for a minute. He is always trying to keep up with Lydia. It’s his favorite past time. 

“But she’ll be back. I mean she still has to graduate.” Now they’re in the hallway, and he’s walking beside her. This feels like equality, and he isn't sure he deserves to walk beside her. Like somehow he’s always supposed to be catching up with her. Different people indeed because now she slows down to wait for him to walk beside her. Then he starts thinking maybe he’s putting too much weight in something as simple as walking down a high school hallway. 

“Yeah but that’s the thing though, I don't know. When we started the school year I was so stressed about everyone ending up in the same place after we graduate, but I don't think it matters. We all always seem to find each other anyway, you know? Even Allison.” He remembers trying to talk to Malia about this. As always, he couldn't verbalize it the way he wanted to, and as always, she didn't really understand. He feels like maybe Lydia will. Scott didn't. But Scott was always sure that they would all find a way to stay together. They were a pack. Stiles being Stiles was never that sure. He was’t entirely convinced now, either. He wanted Lydia to get it so badly. He needed someone to understand that he was the one that worried, and he would always worry, and nothing would ever change that because if he didn't worry, who would?

He’s so lost in his thoughts momentarily, yeah he thought all that in a 2 second span, but he still notices whenLydia stops. He senses it right away. His ability to pick up on her and her movements scares him sometimes. He’s never felt this close to someone, never been so attuned to someone. Sometimes he wonders if she is as attuned to him. He thinks he should be used to it by now. He hopes he never gets used to it. He stops and turns to face her again. She's looking up at him with her bright eyes, he’s so happy they're bright and alive again, and he can see that she has no idea what he’s talking about.

“He didn’t tell you did he?” She shakes her head no. “It was in the tunnels. When Sebastian had his hands around Scott’s throat. They guy probably didn’t even know what he was doing. His claws dug into Scott’s neck. He was gonna kill him,” he reminds himself to push the anger away, “Then he stopped. And he said a name. Marie Jeanne.”

Her eyes are so wide, and she gets it.

“He saw Scott’s memories.”

“He saw Allison.”

“They must have looked like each other, maybe even exactly like each other.”

“It gave Scott a chance to break free. She saved him. Allison saved his life.” The weight of those words hits him. They hit him so hard. Because it was Allison, someone they all loved. His guilt over her had been knawing at him for so long, that he went numb. He wants to believe so badly that it was actually Allison interjecting, and not Scott’s memories. He wants that so much. He wants to be a selfless as Allison, he wants to save someone like Allison saved all of them.

Looking at Lydia, he thinks about him saving her. It didn’t seem like a heroic act because it was instinct. It was natural instinct to run into Eichen with a shitty plan, just to get to Lydia. He would've burned the place down if it meant getting her out alive. He had actually suggested it, but Scott had veto’d that real quick. Again, shitty plan. He tries thinking of himself as the hero for saving Lydia. He cringes at the thought. Maybe it was heroic, but he was not a hero. 

He looks at her lips, and they're turned up into a smile. Her eyes are bright and full of an emotion he’s pretty sure he’s just imagining is there, and then he feels it. He feels the words coming up. He feels his tongue getting ready to form the words he said two weeks ago, out loud to no one. 

He wants to say something, anything to her to convey how he feels. Because he wants her to know that he’d do it all again. He want’s her to know that he doesn't see himself as a hero for saving her. He’s just Stiles, and just Stiles will always save Lydia. He wants her to know that him saving her wasn't about getting back the pieces killing Donovan took from him, because it was so much more than that. He wants her to know that him saving her was about how he spent all of 3rd grade thinking about her strawberry blonde hair in pigtails, and her running across the playground in a green dress. He wants her to know that him saving her was about how in eighth grade he observed how smart she was, and how he knew she was going to change the world. He wants her to know that junior year was the year he really and truly saw her for everything she was. Bright and beautiful and brilliant in all the ways he wished he could be. He wants her to know that saving her was about how the world needs her and her brilliance, and he’d run into Eichen again to save her. He wants her to know that it was about how he loved her, and he was too selfish to let himself or the world go on without Lydia Martin. 

He can’t verbalized this, doesn't know how, so he closes his mouth, and she starts walking. He finds himself wanting to take her hand, but he doesn't. He just grabs his backpack strap so his hand has something to do. She’s walking a little closer than normal, and he can smell her shampoo, and he wants that scent everywhere. He wants it to invade his life. 

“Scott said he was going to head to the library after class. You up for studying?” She looks up at him, and he obviously can’t say no to her. He doesn't want to anyway. 

“Is it going to just be the 3 of us?” She gets his implication, and for half a second he feels like a total jackass because pack, remember? But then she smiles again and nods, and he knows that she understands. She understands that sometimes he needs just them. The two he started this journey with, they two he’ll finish it with. “Then yeah, I'm in.”

They head into the library, and his first instinct when they get to the table is to sit next to her, but he doesn't. He needs some space from her if he’s actually going to concentrate, and as it is, he isn't going to get much done with her sitting there, healthy and glowing. He’s so fucking glad she’s healthy and glowing. If there’s a God, he’s been sending some serious thanks up that way. 

He looks down at his book, and then Scott is there, and he gets hit by a wave of family and home, and it’s exactly what he needs to alleviate some of the darkness. And he looks at Scott, and he looks at Lydia, and looking at her is like coming home. 

He can't help the someday repeating over and over in his head again. The same way it did two weeks ago.

Someday. Someday. Someday. He doesn't stop it this time.

She’s smiling at him. They saved each other. He can wait for someday.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm impvlsivee on Tumblr. And feel free to leave comments!(:


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